Friday, August 30, 2013

The Book of Mormon

I just finished my first full, real, meaningful reading of The Book of Mormon since beginning the recovery process last year. I began it in January and told myself I would finish two weeks ago when a friend went home from his mission...well I made it today! And it was a truly wonderful experience.

I truly came to know my Savior, Jesus Christ much better and my loving Heavenly Father in a way that I didn't know before. I know the Book of Mormon is true and is another testament of Jesus Christ. It is beautiful to be able to find it out for yourself! I am so filled with gratitude and humility for the opportunity that this experience provided me. I do look forward to further meaningful study from this inspired book that truly holds Christ at the center of it.

While I was reading the final two chapters tonight my soul became exhausted by the accounts of wickedness that the people descended in to as they disobeyed and forgot God and His commandments. And then I came upon these two verses:
Moroni 9:25-26

" faithful in Christ; and may not the things which I have written grieve thee, to weigh thee down unto death; but may Christ lift thee up, and may his sufferings and death, and the showing his body unto our fathers, and his mercy and long-suffering, and the hope of his glory and of eternal life, rest in your mind forever.
26 And may the grace of God the Father, whose throne is high in the heavens, and our Lord Jesus Christ, who sitteth on the right hand of his power, until all things shall become subject unto him, be, and abide with you forever. Amen."

Even though hard times and hard news may harrow up our thoughts, let them rest in Christ and His eternal love and care for us. Our loving Father in Heaven and His Son Jesus Christ have sacrificed so much on our behalf that we may choose to be happy or have and find peace. Hopefully I will remember this lesson the next time my soul becomes wearied.

Wednesday, August 28, 2013


As I have been working on my research for my Master's Project I came across this beautiful statement by Viktor Frankl found in Man's Search for Meaning:

"And there were always choices to make. Every day, every hour, offered the opportunity to make a decision, a decision which determined whether you would or would not submit to those powers which threatened to rob you of your very self, your inner freedom; which determined whether or not you would become the plaything of circumstance, renouncing freedom and dignity to become molded into the form of the typical inmate."

While I was reading this I had gone through a very fearful day wondering if relapse would happen. Would I succumb if temptation occurred? Would I persevere? Would I find a way to make the best of it? Would this...what if... one of the most dreadful games to play.

But Viktor reminded me about choice. He consistently approaches the subject numerous times that everything is our choice. He talks about the gift of choice. It is such a steady principle with the gospel. As we know that agency was gifted to us in the Garden of Eden. The Lord gave it to Adam and Eve. So from the time the Earth was created we have always been able to choose. It is just taking that first step out of and against the binding influence of the adversary.

For anyone bound by the forces of addiction, melancholy, anxieties, hurt and so much more...all we have to do is choose. Though, that first choice is most always the hardest.

Tuesday, August 27, 2013

faith, trust and pixie dust

The summer is over but the lessons from it will definitely stay with me forever. The Lord really blessed me by placing people and circumstances in my path to help me grow. Though I don't understand most of them at this time I hope that through acting in faith and having trust in the Lord, one day I will.

There were many times that I really felt that if I heard one more person tell me to have faith or trust...I might punch them. But as I learned more throughout the summer I found ever more where my faith was anchored, in the Lord. And that it is in He and His Son, Jesus Christ whom I trust fully without hesitation. Maybe that says more about me but life has brought me to a good grounding to have trust in them.

Faith in the Lord's plan for me is one that I really have come to grow with every day. While moving down one path that I am so certain in, the Lord has prompted to prepare another as well. I am completely fine with it and know that I must have faith in the Lord's plan and trust Him. So as I transition from the lessons of summer to this new academic year, I pray that I may continue in faith.

Trust is something I have written briefly about before in an experiment of it. Yeah...anyway. Here I know it will take so much more to learn to trust so fully others as much as before. But that is what learning is for!! That is what life is for! That is what this journey is for.

Only the Lord knows what this new semester and year will bring. I hope that I will have the strength, faith and trust to follow His will for me as He reveals it in His time.

Who knows...maybe I'll find a little pixie dust along the way.

Wednesday, August 21, 2013

joy in healthy choices

This journey, wow it has been one that has had so many unexpected twists and turns that I can't even explain them all and may never try unless its to a future spouse...maybe.

As many who may read this know, I have been working on a weight loss program. It has absolutely changed my life.

I just want to share a little more of my story, where I was, where I am and where I am headed while my journey still progresses.

Where I Was
Before I began the program I really had tried so many weight loss programs, some by choice...and some, well not so much. I have been overweight and then obese my whole life. I have not known anything else. I have been blessed with some amazing friends along the way who still have made me feel so loved no matter my size. When I graduated from BYU-Idaho I became resigned to the fact that this is the way it would be, someone may love me someday and I better learn to love myself. My personal spiritual growth that began a few months later helped me with really coming to love myself and know my God and Savior. That knowledge enlightened my life and raised me to a better level. But I was still so unhappy, sick, hurting and uncomfortable physically. In 2012 I started to see the possibilities of change by finding an amazing fitness team in Jerseyville that I went to pretty faithfully. I loved them and their energy. That combined with improved diet really helped some and I saw progress but I still wasn't seeing something...the discouragement and hopelessness that it would never really work was there.

When I moved to Boston this past fall to start my graduate program I found even more discouragement and never felt more aware of my size. I didn't know anyone and have found out through my life that once someone sees you are obese, many, many more assumptions follow. But again, a loving Heavenly Father provided amazing friends and people in my path who accepted me but weren't afraid to say hey I care about you, but so much so that I want to see you healthy. How can I help? I even had one amazing friend share about this program that she had started that helped her health so much called. The success I saw her have was great but the happiness and health that I saw her choosing to create meant more to me. My spirit had become so much brighter through that semester but I knew health would make my happiness grow because my body is an amazing gift from Heavenly Father. I know He wants me to take care of it. I had been neglecting that duty for the majority of my life.

Over Christmas I decided to do it. To sign up for the program as soon as I got back to Boston, to fully come to respect and take care of this body I have been gifted with. And I did. I got home in the afternoon and the next morning I went into my amazing friend, roommate and now health coach's room and we got me signed up! The next few days was a bunch of nerves and doubt but I knew that I wanted it this time...for real. My food came January 29 and I started January 30. I started therapy two weeks later to help with the emotional issues that were emerging. The combination of taking care of my spiritual self, physical self and emotional self has turned into the most amazing thing for me!

Where I Am
Now seven months on the program I have lost 113.6 pounds! It took 10 for me to begin to notice changes of more happiness, and wider smile, more joy. It took 15 for me to see in myself what Heavenly Father sees. :) As this journey has progressed it has been such a learning experience. I feel so much better. I can walk farther, run, wiggle and dance! There is so much more, but it really has made health come alive for me. Choices really are so key. Everyday little things add up to mean so so much in the grand picture of my health. And it really began with the choice for health clicking inside for me. I love health and helping others even more because I feel like I am more confident to be able to talk to others. I still have moments of doubt and self doubt, but don't we all?! It doesn't go away it just varies with how we choose to handle it.

I have found my voice in all of this. It take a bit for me to find the courage to do it, but when it is right and I know my Heavenly Father is with me its a winner every time. This voice has carried me through many temptations to fall off the program and to deviate from my path of creating health. This voice that I have found surprises me even now with what comes out, but it is all good and helps build! I love that. I have had a few times with emotional eating this past month as more stress has come about and I didn't have my plan in place prior to the situation. But it created a marvelous learning experience that I finally came to appreciate and take in. They also helped me to see that I can find joy in healthy choices!

That is one of the many, many reasons that I decided to become a HEALTH COACH for the program!! :) I want to share my joy that this program has helped me find! Many people with changes say they have gotten their life back which is amazing. But I have to say that I am being blessed with a life I never knew or believed I could have before! I am so excited to share this program with everyone.

Where I'm Going
Like I just mentioned I am becoming a health coach for the program! Also, you know, I am still progress and working on my health one day at a time. I am finding out what works and this does. I am going back to Boston in five days to greet the last year of my graduate program with a smile and a new perspective that this summer has offered as I have learned more. I am going to continue to share this amazing program with everyone who will listen. I may serve a mission for my church and having improved health is really, really helpful for the rigors of a mission! I also may follow other paths as the Lord opens them for me. Whatever path comes after Boston I know that I can greet it being an improved person that has received the help of a loving Father in Heaven, support from family, friends and doctors and being able to find out who I am. And, I just have to say that I think I am pretty awesome. :)

If you made it this far, thanks! Have a happy day!!

After 100lbs in July