Wednesday, September 25, 2013

humility and blessings

It wasn't long ago that I wrote about faith and trust. Goodness the experiences there continue, but that is the nature of life; to continue in faith.
The Lord has come through time and time again in my life that I don't ever see until the experience is over. This time the mire felt to be so consuming that the light on this one trial didn't seem to shine. But, I continued in faith because I know the Lord, I know that I continually work to keep my covenants and am in a persistent state of improving through Him and through faith in Him.
This trial came to a peak yesterday when school had not come through with something that was supposed to be done last Thursday. But, I continued to pray and little things kept happening. The school thing didn't. After a long day of seeming dead ends and frustration and fear and doubt, I said a prayer on the train:
Lord I believe, help thou my unbelief. 
Now it feels more like a fervent plea. I had tried absolutely everything I knew and didn't want to burden anyone other than the Lord with this trial. But, I came home and my awesome roommate was sitting on the couch and we talked. And the conversation came to this trial, the stress it was causing my spirit and mind, the fears and doubts. But the hope I had because I knew I was still doing the right things. (not everything was said by me but inferred by her through some reluctant tears on my part) She bore testimony of the truthfulness of what she felt was happening and what was coming for me. I am so grateful for that, her words. Then she and another friend's offered kindness made me cry. The generosity and sheer capability for love and care from friends took me off guard. They were willing to care for me. :) 
This morning as things began to be worked out with school, my roommate offered to help me with one other part of my trial. It took prayers and all day for me to accept the help (pride can be a beast to overcome). But I am so extremely grateful for the kindness she has shown. 

As this trial is starting to work itself out through prayers and faith and trust; humility and gratitude are becoming personal results. 

There are people placed in our lives to help us along our tremendous journeys. They can be family, friends, acquaintances and strangers. We play these roles in people's lives all the time! I am just so thankful that my amazing friend and roommate is here and willing to talk and be open to help and offer and care and share her strength when I was at my seeming end last night. Thank you again.

Tuesday, September 17, 2013

stillness

I've thought a lot about stillness, meditation and mindfulness lately and fortunately some of my studying has been on these topics so far this week.

"Be still and know that I am God." These simple words always bring comfort to my ofttimes rushed and full mind. When spoken they remind me to be find stillness and in that there is so much to be gained.

Stillness is where we can come to know God. Through this we can develop a relationship with Him. If we carry stillness within ourselves we can be more capable in embracing and standing. But we need to be ready and open for stillness and to work for it - it is a process - a self-reflection process that can be scary. (These are some thoughts I wrote down from a friend's talk this past Sunday)

Here is a quote that was shared in the support group for the lifestyle program I am on. Part of the balance that we seek is in healthy mind and spirit. Stillness can be achieved there. One of the habits we talk about is seeking quiet time, because it can be so important for our processing, learning and healing. 
"Stillness is not about focusing on nothingness; it's about creating a clearing. It's opening up an emotionally clutter-free space and allowing ourselves to feel and think and dream and question." 
-Brené Brown, Ph.D., L.M.S.W.

Stillness provides a chance to see yourself, really see yourself and as the quote mentions, allow yourself to feel, think, dream and question.

Tuesday, September 10, 2013

daily bread

I have thought about this a lot the past few days as I continue to learn and re-learn this simple principle. What we put in our bodies both physically and spiritually makes up who we are.

Always remember to look to Him, to think of Him, to give thanks to Him. Don't forget the source. -Elder Christofferson

Our faith in God is the fruit of our experience. In life we come to a moment where we have no other place to turn but to God. In those moments we really learn how to pray. -Elder Christofferson

Follow Him and have faith in Him. He can heal and change us. With the atonement we become different people. -Elder Christofferson

Wednesday, September 4, 2013

image

Have you ever really looked at yourself in a mirror or any reflection? Normally I'll just give enough time to say...oh no food, no dirt, okay you're good. Yesterday when I was on the train headed to school I was sitting with no one across from me and I was determined to sort through some of my thoughts at the time. But normally I would just close my eyes so I wouldn't have to see myself. This time I looked. I really examined the lines of my face and the wrinkles and scars. Then I decided to see the stories behind each one of them. Each pain and hurt was all I saw at first (bc lets face it most of us start there) but then it turned into each happiness, joy and laughter. The light the shone through my eyes as I smiled at my reflection caught me off guard but really warmed me. I was seeing and really appreciating my full story. I saw, well...me.